It all started when my husband John told me that he was getting deployed to Afghanistan. I had no idea how to react. I was hurt and in shock. I mean how could
he just leave us? I understand that it is for our county but I do not know what
I would do without him! I decided I am just had make the best of it. I
spent the next few weeks spending every moment I could with him and our two adorable little girls.
However, John wanted his family to have dinner with us twice a week before he left. This includes his brother Adam. Adam has always been so weird. In high school, he would stare at me awkwardly anytime I was around him. Yet, he would never talk to me.
The time passed by
too quickly. I dropped John off at the airport with tears in my eyes. I didn't
want him to leave but he promised he would be back soon. I kissed him goodbye
and off he went. John called me three times every week. He called me on Mondays,
Wednesdays, and Fridays. I was so thankful that I was still able to talk to
him a few times a week. Things were fine. Everything was fine. And then my
world came shattering to pieces.
In the middle of the night I woke up to a banging on the door. To my surprise, it was John's team members. They told me that John went missing in action and they believed he is dead... I, I, was
once again in shock and my heart broke. I cried for days. I could not control
myself. The army had arranged a funeral for him, and though I was devastated I still went. His mother, father, and his brother greeted me when I arrived to the funeral. Afterwards, Adam wanted to come over to talk. When he came we had a good
conversation reminiscing about John. It was the first time ever that I had a decent conversation with Adam. I decided he wasn't that weird after all.
For the next few
weeks, Adam came over every day. He helped me remodel my kitchen, he helped with
the girls, and he took my mind off of my depression. Adam had become a big part
of my life. One night, while having a few drinks, Adam and I were reminiscing about high school. He told me he had a crush on me in high school but I fell
for John instead. I am not really sure how it happened. But one thing led to
another and before I knew it, I was waking up to him the next morning. We were
just lying there when we heard banging on the door. I got up and answered the door, and once again it was John's team members. They said
that they found John and he would be returning home in a few days.
I did not know
what to think. My dear husband who I thought was dead, is now alive? And I just
slept with his brother? I had too many mixed emotions...Let's fast forward to
when John got back. He was different. Things were different. He suspected
that me and Adam had an affair but I reassured him that nothing happened. I
felt so guilty but why? I did not cheat. I thought my husband was dead. I
started to feel sick every morning and I thought it had something to do with
just how weird things were. I went to the doctor and the doctor told me I was
pregnant...
Since John had gotten back we had not done anything. I knew it was
Adam's. I panicked. That night I did it with John and in the next few days I
told him that I was pregnant. I told him that it was his. I know it is stupid
but I did not want to lose John. Though, he did not believe me. He wanted me to prove it.
Panicking again, I asked one of my friends who is a doctor if she could help me
forge the results to the DNA test. And she did...
Fast forward even more... I ended up having twins. But John was
still suspicious and did not want to be made a fool. So he left us. Every night
I sang the blues. I sang about John and I missed him. I taught these blues to
my twins. They sang it perfectly. I would often take the kids to the park and
just sit there while they played. I just think how my life could have been
different… One day when the twins were singing the blues in the park John came
back... I was so happy to see him. But he wanted me to prove my loyalty to him
once more.This time... I couldn’t... I just couldn’t live a life like that. So
I ran.
I ran and I ran and I ran. I ran until I didn’t know where to go.
And that is how I ended up here. I do not know what to do now. I need your
advice. I just feel so awful.
(a few moments of silence went by and then...)
The therapist replied, “It will be okay. We will work figure this out
together.”
Image Information
Sitting in the Park, Before John Arrived
(Source: Pixabay)
Bibliography:
This story is based on Sita Sings the Blues Reading Guide Part A and B
Author's Notes:
In the original story Rama is exiled and goes to the forest and Sita goes with him. Sita is taken by Ravana. When Rama rescues Sita he is suspicious that she was unfaithful to him. She proves she was by jumping into fire. Then she gets pregnant. A laundry man hits his wife and says that he does not allow affairs like Rama does. Rama feels disrespected and embarrassed so he asks his brother to take her into the forest and abandon her there. She has twins and teaches them the songs of Rama. Rama hears the twins one day and comes back. However, he still wants Sita to prove her loyalty once again. This time Sita does by reentering mother nature's womb. I based my story off of the movie Brothers. The film is about two brothers: one brother (Sam) is married to wife (Grace) and has kids but gets deployed, while the other brother (Tommy) is a loner and a troublemaker. When Sam gets deployed he gets taken in as a prisoner from the opposing side. However, Grace believes he is dead. Tommy steps up and starts to act like a family man. Grace and Tommy have an affair, but soon find out that Sam is alive. When Sam comes back he is suspicious about his wife's loyalty. The detailed summary of the plot can be found at Wikipedia. I thought by taking a more modern spin on the story of Rama and Sita, and telling it from "Sita's" point of view would help spice things up. It also shows that constantly testing people can drive them away. I chose this picture because I think it helped create the scene in the park.
I loved your story Mehik! It was very interesting and easy to see the connection between it and Ramayana. I was however, very shocked in the end when it ended up being the wife talking to a therapist-that was a very good twist. I wondered what happened to Adam though? Did the woman ever tell him that the kids were his? Did he figure it out as easy as John? Did he try to be a part of their lives still? Overall though it was a very good story! Can’t wait to read more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story and I really enjoyed reading it. It kept my attention and was interesting to read all the way through. I was not expecting a plot twist like that but I loved it. I felt bad for John but she did think he was dead. I also felt bad for Adam, he had two kids and it seems like he has no idea about them. You are a fantastic writer and I am looking forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story! When I was reading it, I was thinking to myself that I have heard this story line before. Then from the author’s notes I saw it was based off of the movie Brother! I like the emotion that you put into the female character. I could feel her pain and I could feel her happiness. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteMehik, I thought this story was so unique. I really enjoyed that you wrote it directly from the wife’s point of view. I think that really helped show her pain and suffering and guilt as the events went on. I read the story as if she was speaking directly to me and felt like I could connect to her because of the detail. I was shocked at the little twist at the end with her having been talking to a therapist. I think that was an interesting and effective way to really showcase her emotions throughout the story. At first I thought you transitions could have been slightly improved rather than saying fast forward but since this is the girl telling a story I think it is ok. I wonder what will happen between the girl and Adam. Will he raise the children? Will she tell him they are his? Where is she running? I loved that your story left me wanting more. I think it was really well written.
ReplyDeleteMehik, I saw the parallels with Sita Sings the Blues and your story and I thought your idea was really succinct with the original theme. I could definitely picture everything that was happening in the story as I was reading it. However, I think it could have flowed a little better. There was a lot of jumping around in the story, especially considering that it took place over a long span of time. Maybe it would have flowed a little better if it were told over a series of posts so that the reader can get a better understanding of the emotional state that the wife was in. I also think the end, with the therapist, could have been incorporated a little better. I liked the idea of how the story built up to the therapist but I think it was a little abrupt at the end. Overall, I thought the idea was great!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this story for a second time, I am still very impressed with your creative take on the original and the modern story. The combination was great to read. I like the imagery that you put into the story. Phrases like “my world came shattering to pieces” and “banging on the door” make what the character is feeling come across to the reader. I wonder what it would be like to tell the story from John’s point of view? I think it would be really interesting to see how he reacts and be able to be inside of his mind. In the story you fast forward to when John gets back. I wonder what Adam and the main character’s conversation must have been like when they found out that he was coming home? I can only imagine that there were raw emotions and they had to figure out a way to settle their relationship before John came back home. It would have been a good read to see how this side of the story would play out. What if there was more dialogue between characters? This would allow the reader to better know the character’s and see their chemistry, especially since it seems like the main character had great relationships with both of the men.
ReplyDeleteEven just from the blurb on your portfolio index page, the conflict in this story was really compelling, and I was eager to find out how the wife would deal with her issue.
ReplyDeleteThen, once I clicked through to your actual story, I was excited to see that you’ve updated it to a modern setting, plus used a first-person point of view. It all freshened up the source material so much, and it helped me connect with your protagonist really quickly.
I also love that you started the story with the protagonist slightly disliking Adam. In a story this short, it’s hard to achieve much character growth, but you pulled it off so well with the evolution of their relationship. That actually leads to my one suggestion: we see here how great Adam is and how he was there for the protagonist, and once John comes back, she never mentions Adam again. I understand she was in a difficult position, but maybe if you add just one or two lines about Adam, it would give a little closure, plus reinforce how conflicted she is, caught between the two brothers.
Another one of my favorite elements was how conversational the whole piece felt—from the word choice to the way she would drop off at the ends of sentences, it all felt really natural. And then that reveal at the end. Not only the payoff for that conversational tone, but a great little twist in itself, and it ended the story on such a high note. I’m insanely curious to read on and see what happens now, which means you’ve done your job right.
Thanks for the great read! I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Hi Mehik. I really enjoyed your story. It was a nice twist at the very end to find out that she was talking to a therapist the entire time. It seemed very conversation-like so it makes sense now! I think something you could put more detail on just to expand the plot is maybe talk more about the children. Did they ever wonder why they did not look like their 'father'? Did Adam ever crack and tell John that they had an affair while he was away? I feel like it would be really hard for a brother to do that to another brother. Especially if he just came back from serving in a war. I think these topics could expand this story. Also, it might be another idea for a future story. Maybe you could bring these characters back in a later story, where the kids are grown up and they find out that John was not their father. I think that would be very interesting. There are plenty of possibilities. Great read! I enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteHi Mehik!! I absolutely loved your story. You did a great job about describing every character, and as a reader I felt as though I could see where everyone's perspectives were coming from. If anything I would have liked to see more on Adam, and if he ever finds out that he has children. I loved the ending and how the woman in talking the story through with her therapist. This was a great twist!! As for critiques there were only a few grammatical errors. In line 4/5 you have "I decided I am just had make the best of it”, and I would suggest changing it to "I decided I had make the best of it." In paragraph 4, you switched from passive to active voice in the same sentence. The sentence read "But one thing led to another and before I knew it, I was waking up to him the next morning", a rephrase could be "But one thing led to another and before I knew it, I woke up next to him in the morning." And lastly I would suggest changing "Adams'" in paragraph 6 to "Adam's." Again, I thought your story was great and very original. I look forward to watching your portfolio develop throughout the rest of the class!! Great job!!
ReplyDeleteThis story is fantastic! You have put a really creative twist on the story of Rama and Sita! I really did not expect the story to take the turns that it did and it easily kept me interested! I like how you put the character of the brother in the story and created a new element to the story of Rama and Sita. Great work on this story!
ReplyDeleteMehik, your writing style is amazing and intriguing. The creativity you possess is one of a kind. I stayed engaged with your passage from the beginning until the end. I like how you weren't afraid to utilize the idea of a moder day affair and its effects in your re-telling of Sita's story. You could really feel the emotion expressed by the main character.I would like to clear one thing up. Did the main character and John already have two children or was this an example of a flashback and foreshadowing? Also, the story stated that the main character ran. Where did she escape to? How long did the mom and two girls travel? Did Adam ever find out that the twins were his children, if so, how do you think he would respond?
ReplyDeleteMehik,
ReplyDeleteThat was brilliant and scandalous at the same time! I like the way you kept me interested through the whole process. I did not see the story embedded right away. I like the surprise and how you introduce the story into your story. Well done on the awkwardness and even better for the twist of pregnancy. I was totally surprised to see we were in the therapist office. A very cool well timed piece of work.
This was so much fun to read! This story was all about twists and turns! I was super into the story the entire time, and wanted to know what in the world she was going to end up doing. I like your unique twist on the original story. This was definitely sad, but so intriguing. I still can’t believe she ended up having twins. Haha.
ReplyDeleteHi Mehik!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this story of yours! Not that we all cheat on our husbands,(lol) but I think this is a very relatable take on this issue! Meaning, I think most people that read this can relate to the emotions and conflicts that the wife was going through. I know I personally could definitely connect with her and how she was feeling in that position. This story really shows your creativity. I like your writing style, everything flows and reads nicely. I also like the timeline of events and how you clarify! Great work, can't wait to come back and see what more you write!
Mehik, one small thing, you wrote "I decided I am just had make the best of it" I'm assuming there shouldn't be an "am" in there. I am glad you chose to make a modern story. I did that for a few of mine and I think it helps make it more relatable. I'm also glad that you chose to write this in the wife's point of view because we get to see exactly what she is feeling. I wonder why John's mates were in the U.S. to bang on her door in the middle of the night? Maybe it would have been more realistic to get a call. I can't imagine how shocking that would be to have a funeral for your husband then he suddenly comes home! What a rollercoaster of emotions. Wow I was totally not expecting the ending! Now that I know she was at a therapist's office the whole time I could go back and read it again and it'd be different. It reminds me of that movie (that I can't think of the name of) where the guy was actually a ghost the whole movie but you didn't know till the very end. Great twist on the Ramayana!
ReplyDeleteHi Mehik. This was an interesting modern/realistic twist on the story. I also found that it was cool that (it almost seems) you used some inspiration from Sita Sings the Blues, perhaps? The story doesn't have any noticeable grammatical errors, so good job on proofreading! I liked that you also used a few ellipses in your writing to make things more dramatic or to pause for emphasis. Some things you could probably work on: descriptions of the setting and the characters of the story because I think that would help the readers establish a better connection and mental image of the story. The therapist kind of came out of nowhere so was she at the therapist's office when she was re-telling her story? Did she just run to the therapist's office? How did he, basically, get into the story? I'm also interested in reading about Adam's sentiments about the whole situation and decided to pick up the slack that John left.
ReplyDelete